Hello ! So to continue A little bit from my last diary, My ex and I were together a total of 25 years married for 20. 

the ex

Let’s just say after I cheated things were never really the same.  

I don’t think emotionally he ever could get past it even though he had done it to me. Now that we have been divorced for several years now and I can look back I can see that maybe he loved me the best he knew how. There were many good things about him, he was a good father, and a good provider, We just never could get on the same page at the same time I guess. My outlook on life has changed 360° in so many ways. 

We had broken up many times for a few months at a time, and then in June 2015 we went our separate ways. Let’s just say after 25 years of being with someone it is sooooo hard to move on. Even if it is toxic, And we did have some good times over the years but there were so many key components missing to a great marriage. For the next several months, there were many times I wanted to go back, I never let him know how bad I wanted to come back because I didn’t want him to get his hopes up but there were moments where it just hurt so bad that I wanted to go back. I wanted my routine back. I wanted my kids father but I was so tired of not feeling loved every day. I already was in a pretty serious relationship with Bobby, Who I will tell you all about very soon. But during the first several months it was very hard for me the ups and downs of my emotions, wanting my family back together, and really just to go back to the way my life was . Even though Bobby was so kind to me all the time I just wanted my old routine back. These times were so difficult for my children, I can say this when you go to marry a man if he doesn’t respect you before you say I do, don’t think he ever will. 

The first nine months were very hard, my ex was trying to get me back in his own little way but not overly trying hard if that makes sense. Honestly if he would’ve tried harder I probably would have gone back, but every time I was close to thinking about it he would call me up and be yelling at me and it just reminded me of the life I did not want anymore. Like I said I loved him very much but love doesn’t always mean happiness, You can truly love someone and still be miserable.  Bobby and I at that point didn’t share anything other than feelings towards each other. But if it was not for Bobby, I would’ve still been in that toxic relationship. Bobby showed me a love I really didn’t know existed. I know it was the love I dreamed about as a little girl, I knew it was the love I was still dreaming about. But I truly thought all relationships were like me and my ex . Especially spending years listening to clients be in the same type of relationship. 

Bobby was my saving grace! He truly saved me. Chow for now:)